Thursday, July 28, 2011

A horrifying start today.

Wow, is what I have to say about what happened today. I'm going to share another very personal experience, because this is my life and it's who I am. I'm an open book with nothing to hide and this is important to me.

I woke up this morning and I was having contractions, contractions that were a lot like labor contractions. I had a bad feeling right away and woke up Garett telling him I was scared because I know these kind of pains. A few seconds later I felt a gush and when I saw blood I immediately began whaling, "No, no, no, Oh my God!" when I reached the bathroom I expelled two fairly large masses and quite a bit of blood.

My whole world came crashing down and all I could do was sit there and cry aloud uncontrollably. Garett had to take the kids out of the room, and I called my OB. I explained what was happening and she told me it sounds like a miscarriage and that I needed to be seen asap because I'm so far along that it's rare and can cause other complications and they also want to figure why I miscarried. So we made an appointment for 11pm which was a few house from then.

I cried the entire time, I felt like I had already gone through so much the last few months and now that I am finally feeling better this happens. What did I do wrong? Then Garett came in to console me some more and I just said, "I really wanted this baby." I just kept saying it. I couldn't help but fall in love with it as soon as I found out I was pregnant. You know some people don't know that sometimes you feel that attachment right away, and the love is there and it's very strong. I sat there for what felt like forever just crying. Then I had to scoop my baby into a bag so the Dr. could run tests and I thought, "This is my baby, in this little ziplock bag, why?" it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Finally we get to the Dr. and she does her tests and we all knew what it was but we wouldn't get an answer that said for sure till Friday. So I asked her, "Is there anyway we could find out more today?" and she said she could look for a heart beat and do an ultrasound later today just so I could lose any false hope I had. So she gets her little radio wand out and we start searching to make sure there wasn't a heart beat. Awhile goes by and I start crying then Dr. gasps and we all hear a heart beat.

I just started crying, I couldn't even hold it back. So she goes on to explain that sometimes people have what is called a vanishing twin. Where one baby doesn't develop all the way early in pregnancy and either your body absorbs it or you miscarry it later. She said that may be what happened but we don't know for sure till she sends the mass to be tested. She said it could also be hemorrhaging or a few other things.

Then we go in for the ultra sound to see how the baby is doing, and the baby is just full of life with a strong heart beat. They also checked for other complications or injuries in the uterus and didn't find anything. So, now we just wait to find out what happened.

What did I learn from this?? I learned that I am one very lucky, and fortunate person to be blessed with a family and a healthy baby. I also learned, that I don't have control over everything in my life and that some things are left to God and are a part of his plan. If I did lose a twin, it will be a very sad day Friday, but I will be happy still knowing that there is still a baby growing and living inside me that I will love forever. I will still love the baby I lost and feel like a part of my family is missing, but I know it wasn't meant to be, and maybe this was meant to happen so that I could learn how precious life is and share that experience with you.

I really hope that's not the case, because I know I'll take it harder than I think. There's still a good possibility it's not and so I hope it's nothing serious. What a roller coaster! So I have to take it easy for a few days at least and just ask that you bare with me this week as this will effect me getting things done that was requested, and answering emails. Artsy Addicts kits will still ship this week, but if you email me or requested something from me this week please be patient with me as I will likely stay off the internet for awhile and sleep off the stress. Thank you guys so much.

xoxo
Marion Smith

49 comments:

brantics said...

omg you had me in tears, so glad your little bump is ok and I hope you're ok too. I can only imagine how you're feeling and am sorry for your loss if it does turn out to be a vanishing twin, sending you much love and hugs xx

wmlateach said...

Oh my...Praise the Lord you and your baby are okay. I hope you didnt lose a vanishing twin, but if you did, I pray that the Lord heals your heart and gives you peace.

Star said...

I was holding my breath as I read your story. God is watching over you and your baby. There are no words of comfort to give if the news on Friday is awful, but he will continue to be there with you to guide and heal you. You need to rest and take care of yourself. Peace, prayers, and blessings. Star

Sandy Reeves said...

Sending prayers for peace and comfort to you. Please take care of yourself and the baby.

Maritza said...

God bless you and family.

NatashaS said...

I think as women and mother's we take for granted the amazing thing our bodies can do in making babies. Especially when we have done it before without too much difficulty but in actuality it is much more of a miracle than we think because so many things can go wrong. I rejoice with you that the baby inside is doing well, and also praying that the tests come back that what you lost was not a twin. God bless you Marion and may He be with you not only friday but for the rest of your pregnancy.

Jenni said...

I just wanted to let you know I am thinking and praying for you.

Pocono Pam said...

Hugs to all of you! My prayers, blessings and positive energy go out to you!

**CrEaTiNgWiThAlOhA** said...

{{hugs}}

Toni K said...

When I started reading this I was saying, "no no no." How scary! During my last pregnancy I had a huge scare similar to yours, lots of gushing blood. Everything was fine, but terrifying! You poor thing. Take care of yourself and your baby :)

LindaC said...

Bless you....may God continue to watch over you and your family. LindaC

Jo Ann said...

Marion, God bless you and your family!

Art by Susan, Creative Art Designer said...

Marion,
God bless you. I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that, how scary. But, thank God your baby has a strong heart beat and you the "Mommy" is doing well. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and love to you. Suzie Crafter, Brooklyn NY

Ramona said...

Marion, I am so sorry I know how hard it is to lose a baby. You are just lucky that you still have a bundle of joy. I know loosing the other twin...is hard. At least God let you keep one. I could never have children after I lost mine. So you are very blessed my friend!!! You take care of you and rest!! Hope everything goes well on Friday. Thanks so much for sharing...at least we know you are human just like us. Much Love and Big Hugs!!!

Annie's Stampin Corner said...

Marion God Bless you and your family.

A Crafty Mom said...

Marion, God bless you and your family. My prayers are with you.

Shana said...

Marion, You are one strong lady to discuss your issues so publically. I know this helps people not feel alone. I have miscarried once in my life and although I was way to young and it was probably for the best, it still is a hole. Thank you for being so strong. shana

mari.g said...

I am in tears reading your story. Please don't worry about others right now and concentrate on yourself and your family. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with all of us. My prayers are with you and your family.

FreeSpirit~Lisa said...

Oh Marion what a horrible experience . Im at a loss for words . Im glad you and the baby are ok . make sure you take it easy. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family .

Esmeralda TwinsMom said...

Praying and thanking God your baby is being protected!!!

"The Jule Box" said...

You are in my prayers....there is nothing more precious than a life! I'm glad that for now your ok and that there is a baby growing and waiting to meet you in a few months!! It's so hard being a mama....nothing in the world like it! Please rest Marion....don't worry about everyone else out here...we have paper, glue and paint to keep us plenty busy...and each other!! :) xoxo Jules

Noel said...

Marion...you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
If you get a chance and haven't already read this book....please do.
It's called "Heaven Is For Real" about a little boy named Colton Burpo...you will be blessed!

Hugs Noel

M-C said...

No words, just love, prayers and big squishy hugs!

MrsETaylor said...

Marion. There is something so special, so extraordinary, and so full of light about you. I have adored you since the first time I met you, and your life enriches everyones you touch. Huge but gentle hugs to you and your family

Love
Erika

ShannyJ said...

Sweetheart! Trials definitely happen to teach us lessons and make us stronger for future things we will encounter. I'm so sorry for all you have gone through this year. Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us all. We love you very much Marion.

Jolaine Frias said...

How scary and sad. You and your family are in my prayers.

Tonya Gibbs - Psycho Mom said...

Marion - I just want to reach through my computer and give you the biggest hug. I can not imagine how devistated the experience was. But I have to say that we serve an awesome and loving God. Only he knows what is right for us, and you are so right when you say that the world is bigger than us. Keep your faith and no matter what happens on Friday know that God is with you, and he knows what is best for us. I love you so much and I wish I could just take all of this away for you.

Jerzey Girl said...

I know exactly what you are going through and feeling. Everything you said is sooo true. My prayers going out for you and your baby and family. Hope and pray all goes well for you and family.
Hugs,
Lori

ClassyDify said...

Oh Marion...I am literally in tears right now. I can completely understand as I had a miscarriage many years ago and the same thing happened to me. Losing a mass that was my baby. I however was not as fortunate as you were in knowing that there was still a healthy baby growing inside of you. I am happy that everything is getting better. I will continue praying for you and hope that you will feel emotionally and physically better soon. Take care and take your time with everything else. It all takes a back burner to what is most important. Your health, your family and YOU!!!! Take care!

JustMeJustina said...

Marion, I will be praying for you and I hope you get some much needed rest. God always has a plan. I can't even imagine how you were feeling and I pray you receive good news Friday.

Friday said...

You had me in tears, Marion. My prayers goes out to you and your family...Please take care of you and your bundle. God bless...

LUV2SCRAP said...

Marion I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Praise the Lord your little baby is well and I will keep you both in prayer that the Lord will shield you both from any danger. Love you and willbe praying that everything comes out well.

(Psalms 46:1) God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Little Mahnsters said...

i am so glad to hear that your baby is ok...I kept thinking as i read, that you had gone through so much pain only to get here? I was so afraid for you...if you did lose a twin...that is indeed sad as all life is precious and a gift from God, but perhaps someday it will bring you some joy that there is a perfect little angel in heaven watching over you and your lovely family.... God Bless you Marion... prayers coming your way for an uneventful rest of your preganancy and an easy delivery!

LilGreenBug said...

Many, many prayers going up for you, your family and your baby! A similar thing happened to my stepdaughter with her 4th pregnancy. It wasn't a twin she lost, just some huge clots and they never figured out why or where they came from. Strange things can happen. I pray that all will be well with you and yours!! HUGS!!

Jude said...

Many, Many prayers are sent your way to you and your baby. May God keep you in his care, over these next comming months, and give the rest of your family strength to get through this trying time.Bless you Marion.
Xxx

jan said...

Bless your heart, to write that all down must have been like going through it all over again. You are very brave to have done it. I heard about this from my friend Noel. I had to come over straight away and wish you and your baby well. Can't wait to see baby now, what a very very special baby this is. Very sad for the one that was lost, but usually it is God's way of correcting something, and that is quite profound for me to say as I am not a bit religious, I hope that doesn't offend.
Much love coming across the pond to you and your family.
Jan in UK.
Rest, rest, and rest again, take care.

TraciA said...

Marion - I am SO SORRY for what you are going through. I can't even imagine. Anyone who even sort of knows you knows that you already hold life very precious. I am so sorry this has been such a tough year. I wish I had something to say or do to make this easier/better/go away - I bet we all wish that...I WILL continue to pray my heart out for you and the baby, for Garett, Brookie and Blake. You didn't do anything wrong and you are right, some things have to be left to GOD - that's always been hardest for me to understand. I pray the last thing you worry about it us and kits - take care of yourself. I pray Friday is not too hard and the news is not so bad. I will definitely be praying and thinking of you. All my heart to you!!

Sharon L. said...

Praying for you guys!

Stephanie said...

Marion.. you are a wonderful brave soul.. sending prayers to the heavens for you and yours.. hang in there super sweet you! hugs to Garrett and kiddos too!! take care of YOU!! :)

Kathy said...

Marion, not being a parent myself, I don't know the right words to say. You, your babies, and your family will be in my prayers.

KAM Scraps Memories said...

Sending Prayers Your Way, Take Care!

annieo7 said...

Marion...one day a priest told me " god will never send you anything you cannot handle" At the time i had to make the decision to disconnect mom from the respirator. Hang in there, you have a beautiful and humble soul. The best is yet to come.

ArteDar said...

Awwww my dear one, I'm feeling your pain. Blessings and well wishes are small but LOVE IS ALL. When I go to the Prima live show I always ask for you and Cari said see your blog. Those gals there care about you and the family too.
Sending you through prayers peace, love and healing loving Angels to your side.(((MARION)))
ArteDar

Traci said...

Marion, We've only known each other a short while and only on a business level, but I am so moved by your experience and what you are going through. Please take care of yourself and that little person inside you.

Wishing you all good news and then some.

Traci Armbrust

Sally said...

oh my sweet, sweet girl. UGH. is all I can say. I've been there, 3 times, and my sweet olivia, well she was a triplet, one baby was a vanishing twin and the other was an ectopic that they had to remove and Olivia was so strong she just hung on for dear life during the surgery! GOD is GOOD no matter what, and he loves you sweet girl ;-)

PEA said...

I have been there and know your pain all too well. God Is GOOD and I will continue to hold you in my prayers. Along with the precious little one(s)
Phillane

Joan V said...

Marion, my prayers are with you.

Carol said...

My prayers are with you and your family..

- - Sheryl - - said...

Hello Marion, I just got back fro ma few days of vaca with my family to catch up on the blogger world and your posting has me hoping for the best.
hugs and thoughts for you and your husband.
Sheryl