Friday, July 29, 2011

Sometimes being strong is hard to do

Well I'm glad I have a handy iPad since I will be in bed for awhile. I thought I may as well blog about this crazy week and maybe in a few months when I'm holding this baby I can look back and be reminded how lucky I am. I hope that's how this turns out. I'm so scared it feels like I cant think about much else. I've searching the Internet all day looking for answers and all I could find was horror stories, well they are horrific to me.

I'm haunted by what a Doctor told me today, he said that this may mean that I may miscarry but we'll keep an eye on it and get lots of rest. Then I read stories about women who miscarried just after seeing and hearing their baby. Boy am I dumb for reading those because that just made more afraid. Not afraid of the pain etc. But afraid for my baby, and afraid that if that were to happen I could never come back from it. "You have to try and rest and not stress out." says the Dr. Easy for you to say, it's I impossible!

Thankfully I have Garett who keeps saying, "Everything is going to be fine, I just have a really good feeling." Did you know when I thought I miscarried the other day he went straight to the computer to look up how to console someone going through a miscarriage? He amazes me! The kids are good to have around too, you can't help but smile when Brooke is walking her baby around the house in her pink stroller singing. Blake, he keeps bringing me cookies and food he really knows the way to my heart! Even when he sneaks a bite!

Anyway to shed light on what happened this morning, I woke up with more blood and clotting. Not as much as last time but it was not pretty and so scary. Got to the OB and listened for a heart beat and baby was still going strong. I really want to buy one of those dopler radios now so I can listen every day. Okay maybe every ten minutes, I cant help it. So I will continue to post about this pregnancy and hopefully soon these posts will become more happy and uplifting. Till then I'm going to search online for one of those radios!

Thank you all so much for the kind words and prayers, it means so much to me I can't even express how amazed and thankful you are all in my life!


Xoxox
Mare

32 comments:

mrich2500 said...

My sister is a twin...at about the same time as you my Mom had a miscarriage and the drs. wanted her to abort my sister but she would not here of it...bed rest and 4 mos. later she gave birth to her...she weighed 9# 6oz. This was in 1954...Listen to your drs. and bed rest!

Esdarlin said...

My Thoughts And Prayers Are With You Marion... God Is Watching Over You & The Beautiful Baby Within.. Keep Faith Even When It Feels Like U Don't Want To... Get Loads Of Rest.. And If You Think It Would Make You Feel Better Listening Then Get Garret To Get You That Monitor It's A Blessing I Had One I Loved It...

KAM Scraps Memories said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please take care and do as your doctor tells you. You have a lovely family and will be so excited for you when you have your new baby.

Eileen Fields said...

Hi Marion, I can relate to your situation. I had a chance of miscarring my 3 ye old. My case I'd different from yours, I didn't know I was pregnant. I was at work lifting heavy boxes of frozen food then one day I started spotting and having bad cramps, I went to the Dr and they said I had a threatened miscarriage and put me on bed rest. I was scared then I remembered a Scripture I that id Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked when it comes. Proverbs 3:25. Psalm 138:13 talks about how we were formed in our mother's womb. These Scriptures really got me through my ordeal. I'm praying they will help you too!

Anita said...

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this but you are such a gift to so many people who love you and are praying for you.I hope tomarrow is better and please know I am praying without ceasing for you.
Anita

Woman of Many Thoughts said...

Marion, I started reading your blog in January and I just fell in love with you! (in a friendly way ;) I was drawn to you because you have done what I inspire to do...make a living out of art plus be an amazing mom and wife at the same time. I saw this love of life you have when I saw your quick craft room tour video. Here's what I know. I know that god has given you many gifts but one of them is the gift of being real. You are able to share your stories, what you are going through, which shows a tremendous amount of faith in us. I know you've gotten some hate mail because of that vulnerability but you continue to put your heart on the line. Because of this, I know that no matter what the outcome of your pregnancy you will stay strong and continue to inspire the community around you. Be strong in the lord and do not fear...right? Let His words overwhelm your thoughts with His promises for you...not fear. Fear comes from Satin. If you need some good scriptures to keep your brain occupied feel free to email me. A close friend of mine was bed-ridden for the last month of pregnancy. She journaled, wrote letters to her unborn child, wrote to god and kept her focus on knowing her child would be with her. For you, this might be painting, sketching, blogging. have faith to move the mountains. I hope I don't sound preach...my husband's a pastor so he kind of rubs off on ne lol. But I hope instead that you find encoragement. Love, Mary

Jo Ann said...

Marion, My thoughts, prayers and love is with you! You are beautiful now, just think what you will look like after all this beauty rest you are getting! Big hug.

Nancy said...

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. I hope that you are able to get some rest that your body needs right now. I can only imagine the stress you are under. Thank goodness for the family that is supporting you. Please know there is love and support for you all.

Amy524 said...

Hi Marion, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Get lots of rest and try, even though it is so hard to do, to keep a positive outlook. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. Take care.

Linn said...

oh Marion, best wishes and many blessings. keep your faith

CrossMyHeartStudio said...

Hi Marion, I have read what is going on and I have been through something similar and it truly isn't easy and you can't help but worry and your total focus is on that baby right now. Bed rest is the hardest thing you will have to do at this time, but also you need to do what you love as well. Try making a journal for yourself about this pregnancy, tell your story what has already happened, add photos, Dr. visits, your thoughts and prayers in there so you have an outlet. I would not go online to read other people's stories. You need to change your mind set, to be positive and to know that their is only one in control of all things created. You might want to add to your journal how the kids responded to you on that day, what they did that brought you a smile and all the amazing things your husband has done for you and maybe collage the inspirational words your readers have written to you. Whatever you decide to do...do something that you can do in bed yet it will fulfill your heart and passion (the creative side of you.) Another thing to keep in mind is that LAUGHTER IS truly the best medicine. So put on your favorite comedy movie and relax with your family and enjoy the snuggle time and laugh together. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Trish

Shana said...

we continue to pray for you and your family. keep strong, and keep faith.

Nicole said...

Stay strong and calm for your baby Marion! I sent you a PM on your You Tube account. ;-) Nicole

Ann Marie said...

Hi Marion...I read about what you're going through and wanted you to know that you, your baby and your precious family are in our thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something we all (your scrappy friends) could do for you. You do so much and give so much of yourself to us. Take care of yourself and God Bless you!

Debbie P said...

Keeping you and your little one in my thoughts prayers.

Kathy said...

Marion, I know you will be strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Diane Ridpath said...

Hi Marion. I am so sorry for the fear and anguish you are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby. God be with you. Chin up now. Hugs, Diane

Cee said...

Hi Marion,

I will remember you and your lil one in my prayers.

Cee

Pam said...

You and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers...

Scrappin Mommy said...

Marion, I just wanted to let you know that we may not have had the same problem but i cramped bleed and cloted my entire pregnancy. I was on bedrest for 6 months the 1st pregnancy and 5 months the 2nd. I ave two beautiful children now. There is hope! God stands by you through your toughest times, as do your friends. Good luck and we will say a prayer for you!

Elisabeth said...

Hi Marion,
I am thinking of you. I miscarried in September and I hope that this does not happen to you. Stay in bed and let everything else be less important right now. I am pregnant again, 18 weeks and of course very, very scared. I do not know if you believe in God or not. One thing that helped me a lot was: God will never let anything happen to you that you cannot deal with. Big hugs and stay in bed.

Joan V said...

Marion, glad you are resting. Praying for you and your family. Take care.

Just a Few Designs said...

OH Marion reading your posts I can't but feel your pain..but never give up hope. When I was pregnant with my first daughter my ex kicked me almost through a window, I was 8 month preg, nothing went wrong with that pregnancy and I was ok, but when I got pg the second time the doc told me because of the trauma of the blow and having a prior baby that I might not carry my second daughter. I prayed so hard and never gave hope and now she will be 20 in Oct! Im praying for you girl...Keep your head up.
xoxo
Elsa

Latinacreativa said...

Hi Marion, I was blog-hopping tonight and came upon your posts. As a mother of three (one in heaven) all I can say is that sometimes God's presence is felt greatest in our lives when we are most vulnerable and alone. I believe in the God of David, and in my anguish have learned from the Psalms that even when our enemies want us to fear, God doesn't let go. I appreciate your openness in sharing something so personal, because it's better to live in truth, and can honestly say that I wouldn't possibly be able to relate to you had I not lost a child of my own. My prayer for you is that God allows this child to be with you in life, and that you may feel the peace that surpasses all understanding through this time. God Bless you and your family-Raquel

Dainty Diva said...

God Blessing on you and your family.

Debbie said...

Marion your a strong cookie. I think of you often. I am sure your mind is racing a mile a minute. I call it a train wreck. Have faith in God. You have a wonderful husband and 2 great kids, and one that will be your arms soon. Cant wait till your up on that cam ... Okay that was selfish of me... Did I make you smile...lololol

Debbie

VoicesWithin said...

Wow, You are a strong woman Keep your head up. I myself have miscarried in the past and It is so Hard, because yes we do Feel a bond with the child growing inside us and Love them. With my Second Child I was put on bed rest Because my Doctor said it was a "Threatened Abortion" Which was scary to hear. I was so sick But We made it through and everything turned out okay in the End. I have two Beautiful children I'm thankful for everyday. I Still pay Tribute to the angel I lost every year, It helps me heal. So Stay Positive, I'm Hoping Everything turns out well for you and that You'll be holding a New Healthy, Happy addition to Your family soon!
♥Holly

Betty said...

I think about you and your baby often and always say a little prayer when I do. Hugs.

I go by CHIC said...

I shared this page with my hubby, and he was also so moved he asked me to send along his thoughts all the way from Australia. You are a strong very inspirational woman...and with alot of courage sharing sadly what is still a taboo subject and not often expressed. Thank you. What a terrible ordeal for you and your hubby and children. I had a similiar experience and ended up with antenatal depression. I was at the doctors every week requesting an ultrasound because I just kept feeling like my little one had passed. Negativity was a result of some early complications that were resolved. Just for the pregnancy I was put on low dose Anti depressants so It did not develop into PND again and I wasnt putting extra stress on my little man. I also ordered a dopler in the end just to put my mind at ease and help me rest at night. Id check every day and it realy gave me the peace of mind to keep going and it stopped me putting my little bub through extra stress he did not need whilst growing. If you can get one....I think its a great idea. Its nine months of worry, and surges of panic and adrenalin you and bubby dont need. After the initial early complications.....bubby thrived, he was born perfectly healthy and is now 15mths old and a battering ram to his two older siblings. Im sure your little fighter will do the same.... and if not kicking as much may be see it as a sign that he/she might be a little placid bub like mine has ended up been. All the best and I look forward to reading updates on bubby's and your progress. Remember to write down all of your thoughts right in this moment. :-) Sorry for the novel :-)

Liane said...

Marion, You are a beautiful soul so continue to embrace your baby with your inner light and we will embrace you with ours, sending you our love and encouragement each day. Your baby will be in your arms soon, believe it! xxooxxoo Liane

Cheryl M said...

Marion, You and your family are in my prayers.

Julie's jots said...

Marion, I am an Ob-Gyn nurse. I don;t know how far along you are, but if you are feeling fetal movement, tsthat is a reassuring sign to you every day.Just my opinion, but you will go crazy if you purchase a doppler. There are lots of sounds the doppler picks up in the uterus and you may not be sure what u are hearing. Did the dr mention where your placenta was? It may be close to the cervix and that could be causing some bleeding. Bedrest and keeping pressure off your cervix is a good thing. I have heard of vanishing twin syndrome, and that certainly is a possibility, you will know more when the pathology report comes back, which should be this week for sure. Take care and I am here to support you and provide any information that may help you understand what is happening, thus either put you are east or make you worry more. Is scary not being in control I know. Hope to hear from you soon if you want to email me. My sincerest prayers and good wishes to you,
Julie W.
scrapperrn@gmail.com