Many of you know already that I am expecting my third child. I'm so happy about the news, but it's no secret that I'm going through something very trying and difficult. I just want to warn you before you read this post further, that I am not going to spare many details, and some of the things I am going to tell you about are very graphic and personal. I'm serious, I'm writing this because I want you to know how serious Hyperemesis gravidarum is and why I have had to reschedule and cancel many trips this summer that I was so looking forward to.
Most would say that Hyperemesis gravidarum is basically severe morning sickness, which is true but it's so much more than that. You're basically super sick 24/7 for 15 weeks. Imagine having the stomach flu non stop only much worse for 15 weeks+. Even saying that doesn't sum it up well enough. This is my 3rd time having Hyperemesis gravidarum, and of course my family members remember the first time I had it with my son and when they found out i was pregnant a second time they thought I was crazy.
So here is the really gritty part, to help you understand exactly what Hyperemesis gravidarum does to you. There's the nausea which feels like the flu only worse, you're throwing up non stop and can keep nothing down. I'm talking throwing up to the point where all your stomach acid has already been vomited and so you're still trying to throw up and your stomach feels like it's turning inside out which is extremely painful. Then the acid reflux sets in and tears away at your throat, sinus, (yes I said sinus because it comes out of your nose too!) and esophagus. This is rough because then you get severe nose bleeds that drain into your stomach which is not good!
Then of course there's constipation from not having a bowel movement for weeks due to no food staying down. That is really horrible and extremely painful. At times it gets so bad you have to go the doctor where you really suck up your pride in order to get help. They literally have to make it come out for you but I will spare you that detail! Now because you can't keep anything down, you often get high key-tones or blood in your urine which can cause many other complications. When this happens you need immediate IV treatment to hydrate you. You also get severe kidney infections that cause horrible pains in your kidneys and lower back.
Now you're feeling really bad so your doctor starts giving the big dog meds like Zofran which is used for cancer patients to reduce nausea. Only it's not helping much. On top of all of this, you're over salivating, another weird but horrible symptom. You literally produce so much saliva you can't swallow it anymore so you constantly have to spit and by the end of the day if you collected it all you have about a gallon of saliva. Not exaggerating there one bit! It is truly disgusting. As if this is not enough, you also get contractions daily, and though they are not as bad as hard labor contractions, they are very scary and painful. Meanwhile, you cant help but go into a full blown depression.
Think how horrible it is not being able to cook dinner or clean your house. Simple things like checking your email is tough, and going to the store. Your daily routine is squashed and making breakfast and lunch for your children is so hard you break down and cry because you feel like you're a bad mother for feeding them cereal three days in a row. You go days without showering or even brushing your hair.
Finally you get to the near death point and your Doctor subscribes home health care with constant IV and a catheter that pumps Zofran in you 24 hours a day. That takes the edge off but you still miss eating food and changing the catheter site every day hurts and you end up running out of places because your legs have swollen mounds all over that ache for days to the point where you can't walk anymore.
After all that, my next appointment revealed that I lost 30 pounds from my before pregnancy weight. With my son Blake I gave birth 6 weeks early and I didn't even weigh what weighed before I was pregnant. With Brooke I was lucky and I wasn't hospitalized every weekend and I actually gained a little weight. I gave birth to her 7 weeks early. With both pregnancies I went into pre-term labor at 22 weeks and had to stop labor almost every weekend till my water broke. Now I'm going through it all again and I still have 8 weeks before it hopefully lets up.
I'm doing pretty good so far, I've only been hospitalized once, and I feel more prepared so I have been forcing fluids as much as I can and I think I'm keeping down maybe a half cup per day which my Dr. is going to flip about when he finds out but it's the best I can do. I suspect some kidney complications but I will know for sure this week.
This is just a little piece of what I'm experiencing, I wanted to share it because I know that there are some people out there who are confused or upset that I have had to postpone and reschedule events that I had planned for this summer. I am very sorry, and I want you know that I would never back out of any of my obligations if I didn't have good reason. For those who have said hurtful and mean things to me stating it's just morning sickness etc. well all I have to say is, this is my life and my family comes first and only second to God. Nothing anyone can say or do can change that. Yes I know some may think I'm crazy for having a third baby after all I've been through with my pregnancies, but it's worth it to me.
After having Blake, something inside me told me that there was another little soul waiting to be born to me and I knew I had to make that happen. After Brooke was born I heard that little voice again and I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't make it happen. I would spend my whole life feeling like someone was missing. So for however long I get that calling my family will keep growing. I love my children, they are the greatest blessings in my life, and I will not regret having them and I will not let anyone make me feel bad for bringing them into this world.
I want to thank all of my followers for being there for me and understanding and I hope this sheds some light on why I'm MIA a lot. I wish things were different and I had this amazing experience during this pregnancy, but I gotta deal with what I got and it will be all over soon and the end prize will be so wonderful. There are also some family matters I'm dealing with, but out of respect for my family I will keep that private until we have good news to share. Thank you all again so much and please bare with me over the next 8-10 weeks as I am moving slowly and I know some of you will be affected by it.